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Previously on Call Me Fitz...
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Over half of
the city councilors
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are members of the
Glen Downs Country Club.
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They control local politics.
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Fuck!
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It'll be good to get some
fresh blood into this place.
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I'll see you at
the initiation.
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When it's a male sacrifice,
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we cut off his johnson
and feast upon it.
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Yeah, I'm out.
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Melody Gray!
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I haven't seen you
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since you slept your way
through student council!
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I'm an ethical journalist.
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I only report the news
I manufacture.
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Six months I've been stuck
in this mental hospital,
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with no contact
from the outside world.
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Only thing you ever had
was your dealership,
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and now you got shit.
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I'm gonna get it back!
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Even if he got it back,
he cannot sell cars.
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Our agreement includes
a non-competition clause.
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Fitzpatrick cannot own a
dealership, any dealership.
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Unless he opened it
in someone else's name!
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You're all goin' down,
fuckers!
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[laughs]
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I'm Richard Fitzpatrick,
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and I approve
this message.
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Coverton.
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There was a time
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when this shithole
wasn't such a shithole.
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On election day,
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you can help return this
shithole to its former glory.
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How?
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Vote for me,
Richard Fitzpatrick.
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[car honks]
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Hey, way to ruin the fucking
shot, shit berry!
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Asshole!
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Why vote for me?
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Because I'm an outsider,
like you.
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I don't care about budgets,
or by-laws,
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or any other bullshit.
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I care about people.
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And I'm here to help you.
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There's a reason
you're single, scowlie.
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So if you're happy
with high taxes,
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crumbling infrastructure,
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and sexually inexperienced politicians,
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go ahead and waste your vote
on Chester Vince.
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But if you want real change?
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Your hero has arrived, Coverton.
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My name is Richard Fitzpatrick.
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But you can call me Fitz.
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- Fucking masterpiece.
- I'll schedule a reshoot.
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[♪]
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You blew our entire
advertising budget
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on Ebony Jugs magazine?
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Oh!
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Budget price for
a national spot.
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For a municipal election.
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We need to spend
our money wisely.
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And try to reach
a wider demographic
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than "exposed lady-parts
aficionados."
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The only demographic
Chester Vince
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is currently not
kicking our ass in.
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Do you even know how big
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the ethnic community
in Coverton is?
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Well, I bet it's big.
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Don't you worry, buddy.
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On election day,
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shit like this
won't even matter.
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Shit like what?
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Like anyone's going to
believe Chester is a hero.
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He doesn't have x-ray
vision or a cape...
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Or a utility belt.
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Perfect example.
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This is why Chester Vince
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is killing us with
the ethnic vote.
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Because he's actually
targeting the ethnic vote.
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In Richard's defence -
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it is Ebony Jugs.
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And the ethnic groups
all love Chester.
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He's like some kind
of white Jesus.
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What the fuck are
you talking about?
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The ethnics love me.
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Mai Ling gave me extra
chicken balls last week -
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if you know what I'm sayin'.
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Richard, you shouldn't
use the "E" word.
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We need to show voters
that you care
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about all
people the same.
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Fuck me!
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You know what?
Every time I turn my back,
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that Vince is one-upping me.
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You turds need to up
my profile, big time.
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I'm the hero of the people,
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not that dick-licker.
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Now get me the ethnic vote.
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How?
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Three hours, and I want ideas.
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Fifty bucks?
I'm not that desperate.
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Forty.
And your diazepam.
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We split the diazepam.
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All right.
Let's do this.
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Yes!
Come and get it.
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Oh yeah.
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Going to pay those
student loans.
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Hurry up,
what's taking so long?
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[gasp]
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Hey!
What the fuck, man!
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Hey!
That was my date.
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Pack your shit.
We're going home.
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Not until you tell
me what you want.
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To know my daughter
is happy and healthy
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and free to sign a lease on
a new dealership.
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I knew it!
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I got to get around
whatever crap
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those flying carpet munchers
put in the contract.
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Non-compete clause my ass.
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And you want to work with me?
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Never shoulda sold
the family business
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to those gooks.
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Biggest mistake I ever made.
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Keep it in the family,
that's what grandpa said.
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Even if they're
fucking retards.
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How 'bout it, kid,
You and me?
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Ninety-ten.
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Fifty-fifty.
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Eighty-twenty.
Gross.
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Seventy-five-twenty-five.
Net.
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That's my little retard.
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No matter how hard I try,
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I can't make Richard happy.
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You should know, titmouse,
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because you're dead
because of my failure.
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[high-pitched sob]
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Are you ok?
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Sorry, I didn't mean
to startle you,
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you just sounded so sad.
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Iris.
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Oh, Larry.
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Who are you visiting?
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Oh, a noble bird who
died needlessly
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and deserved
a proper burial.
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You?
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My fluffy little cuddly...
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...Bunny?
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He got away from
me one morning
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and was crossing
the road when a...
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...Mustang ran him over?
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It's been a tough three years.
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Three years.
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I'm here everyday after work.
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I just can't seem to let go.
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Such a tragedy.
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You're a sweet soul, Larry.
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I'm sure it wasn't your fault.
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You wouldn't say that
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if you knew how
responsible I am for...
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everything.
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Richard's anger.
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The poor
dead titmouse.
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Jeepers, Larry.
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Pretty selfish of you
to take all the blame.
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Some of the rest
of us want to mourn too.
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I'm sorry - I didn't mean-
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I was just
kidding, silly.
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I can tell by your aura,
you're a good person.
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I wish every man was like you.
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Yeah.
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D-do you want...?
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Uh...
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Every man...
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Ahh!
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Richard Fitzpatrick
is not a hero.
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Yes I am,
dick sniffer.
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Richard Fitzpatrick is better.
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I'm listening.
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Richard Fitzpatrick
is EVERY MAN.
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Oh! That sounds
like a super-hero.
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He is a super-hero, Josh.
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Compassion is
Every Man's superpower.
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You understand the plight
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of the sweat shop employee
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struggling to put
food on the table,
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the inner city youth whose
only career choice is crime,
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the overqualified immigrant
stuck driving a cab...
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And you shoot laser beams
from your eyeballs!
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What do you think?
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I think it bites
while it sucks -
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and we all know
how bad that can be.
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[laughs]
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This isn't brain
surgery, Larry.
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We just need a way
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to make the ethnics love Fitz
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more than Chester.
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I love him more.
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Where the fuck have you been?
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I said three hours.
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Doing my job.
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Chester's holding a
surprise unity rally
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00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,055
at City Hall.
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This afternoon.
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His multicultural drones
will be there.
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See guys?
This is simple.
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All we have to do is
hijack Chester's rally.
206
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:04,979
So what do ethnics want?
207
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,676
Equality is an
easy gift to give.
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And it's always free.
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There's one color
everyone loves.
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Green.
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Beautiful.
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Let's do that.
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00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,557
Corruption? Bribery?
214
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,297
This isn't how
Every Man operates.
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00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:20,385
Yeah, he flies.
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00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:21,648
And bullets bounce
off his chest.
217
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,345
P-ting!
P-ting!
218
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:24,912
And he's all like
'Ha ha ha ha!'
219
00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,569
That's what I'd do
if I was Every Man.
220
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,485
Aw, and I'd have
a bitchin' cape.
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I'm afraid your daughter's
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00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:43,626
not ready to be released,
Mr. Fitzpatrick.
223
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She's still suffering from-
224
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:50,633
Paranoia, resentment,
delusions of grandeur,
225
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:53,157
hypersensitivity,
excessive irritability,
226
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:56,596
rapid mood swings,
and violent outbursts.
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00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,771
That was one fucking time,
228
00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,903
and I didn't know
the bedpan was metal!
229
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:02,340
In fact, I was
hoping to schedule
230
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,212
some time with you, sir.
231
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:07,737
I believe your daughter's
rage is a learned behavior.
232
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:10,392
I'm as calm as
a summer breeze.
233
00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:12,307
[shouts] Now give me
my fucking daughter back!
234
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:14,570
Well...
235
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,311
I'm afraid I'm going to
have to ask you to leave now.
236
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:21,055
Go ahead. Ask.
237
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:26,626
[alarm beeps]
238
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,715
This way, please.
239
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:33,633
Relax, Igor.
I'm leaving.
240
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,637
Bye,
Daddy!
241
00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,991
I know what you're thinking.
242
00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:46,733
Another politician here
to talk about himself.
243
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:49,300
Pause for laughter.
244
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,346
But today isn't about patting
myself on the back
245
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,348
for all the weapons
and drugs
246
00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:55,655
I've managed to get
off your streets.
247
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,918
I want you to meet some
special friends of mine...
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00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,702
Richard, please,
don't do this.
249
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:01,530
Not only is bribery unethical,
250
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:02,705
it's illegal.
251
00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:06,361
Vote for Fitz.
Vote for Fitz.
252
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:07,841
Best place to
troll for votes-
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00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:09,973
Some other guy's rally.
254
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:12,280
This is Greg.
255
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,585
A few short months ago,
256
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,283
he was a
wretched lowlife.
257
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,415
Reeked of alcohol and sweat.
258
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:20,418
Slept in
puddles of his own urine,
259
00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,464
and sold himself for
money to buy drugs.
260
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:26,990
And now I am clean.
261
00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:28,731
He doesn't have two
dimes to rub together,
262
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,124
but he's not tempted
263
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,996
by any of the drugs
on this table,
264
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:34,389
even though a
tenth of these drugs
265
00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:36,478
could certainly buy his
way off the street.
266
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,482
And it's all thanks to me.
267
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,484
Coverton, the hero
you've been waiting for
268
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,833
has finally arrived.
269
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:46,749
And his name is Chester Vince!
270
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,098
[applause]
271
00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:50,013
That's my fucking line.
272
00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:55,105
[screams]
273
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,672
Nobody move!
274
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:57,978
This is Melody Gray,
275
00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:58,761
embedded at the
press conference,
276
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,894
where we are under attack.
277
00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:02,286
Don't hurt us!
We have money!
278
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:04,245
Yeah?
279
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:06,987
Nice one, fuckwit.
280
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,597
[explosion]
281
00:12:08,597 --> 00:12:14,559
[blaring music]
282
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:18,389
I call upon the
powers of equality!
283
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:19,826
What the fuck?
284
00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:26,267
Black strength!
285
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:28,312
Asian wisdom!
286
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,793
Russian endurance!
Super-fast!
287
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,882
Swiss organizational skills!
288
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:35,624
And...
American cheese!
289
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:37,408
How about Pashtun generosity?
290
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:38,888
We have our own
community centre!
291
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,629
- All are welcome!
- That's right, yes!
292
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,196
- Except Kurds.
- That's right.
293
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,806
Get my money!
My money!
294
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,941
Scram, punk.
295
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:53,860
Yeah!
296
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:57,951
[indistinct shouts]
297
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,343
Fuck.
298
00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:08,004
No one knows the swarthy
savior's secret origins,
299
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,571
but one thing
is certain...
300
00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:11,660
The costumed
vigilante "Ethnic Man"
301
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:13,967
is quickly becoming
a local legend.
302
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:20,364
There I was, surrounded
by hooligans.
303
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:23,759
Then he came out of nowhere
brandishing an opium pipe.
304
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:26,980
He said: "Hey, you kids!
Stop teasing that man.
305
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:30,026
Smoke this instead."
306
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:32,594
And they did.
307
00:13:32,594 --> 00:13:34,117
In a matter of days,
308
00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:35,989
Ethnic Man's unique
brand of street justice
309
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:38,382
has reduced crime
all over Coverton -
310
00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:40,863
except drug trafficking.
311
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,212
But despite these statistics,
312
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:43,953
opinion about the
vigilante is mixed.
313
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:47,348
Ethnic Man's not racist.
Black is the absence of color.
314
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:49,089
By painting his face black,
315
00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:50,699
he's making a
decisive statement
316
00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:53,267
about his dream of
a post racial world.
317
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:55,791
All I know is that I loves it
when the niggers win,
318
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:57,184
because they got nothing.
319
00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:59,055
What is racist is
choosing to ask me
320
00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:00,752
what is racist
because I am not white.
321
00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,885
You see,
you are the racist.
322
00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:04,104
You.
323
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:05,627
But whether you're
pro-Ethnic man,
324
00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:06,933
or an uninformed idiot,
325
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,978
there's one thing we
can all agree on...
326
00:14:08,978 --> 00:14:10,501
crime fighting in Coverton
327
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:11,894
just got a lot
more sexy.
328
00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:13,722
Thank you, Ethnic Man,
329
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:16,594
wherever - and
whoever - you are.
330
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,728
Call me.
331
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,730
It's not Ethnic Man,
it's Every Man!
332
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,776
I mean, I bet
that's what it is.
333
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,474
I mean,
how would I know, right?
334
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:27,867
I'm not Every Man.
335
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,216
Shut up, fucktard.
336
00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:30,565
Plan B.
337
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:32,480
Everyone loves you
so you'll make them love me.
338
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,961
Ethnic vote - boom.
339
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:42,446
I can't hide it anymore.
340
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:44,318
I'm Every Man.
341
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:46,015
No shit.
342
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:47,799
That's why you're going to put
on your little clown outfit,
343
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,932
prance around at my rally
344
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,455
and tell everyone
you endorse me
345
00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:52,935
for city council.
346
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,676
I'll start
on the permits.
347
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:57,374
We're having a rally?
348
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:59,376
Yeah, set it up.
349
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:00,900
We're gonna call it:
350
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,772
The rally for all
people everywhere.
351
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:07,341
Rally for all people everywhere...
352
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:08,342
Yeah.
353
00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:10,300
A rally for RAPE?
354
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:14,261
All right, snot lunch,
you come up with something.
355
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,698
No.
356
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:18,352
Every Man is many things,
357
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:21,094
but he's not a dancing monkey.
358
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:23,748
Every Man doesn't
believe in politics.
359
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:26,012
He believes in justice.
360
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:28,362
And equality.
361
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,451
And fish tacos.
362
00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:32,453
Because fighting crime
makes him wicked hungry.
363
00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:39,939
Remember kids,
you can't be Every Man
364
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,941
but you can be a difference.
365
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,420
Because being a difference
366
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,509
makes you Every Man.
367
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:47,947
Yeah?
368
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:51,602
What does that even mean?
369
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:53,604
It means you need
a fucking cape.
370
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,128
Oh...
371
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:58,653
This isn't going to work.
372
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,002
What the fuck do you know?
373
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,308
No one in their right mind
374
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:02,526
would ever believe
you're a doctor.
375
00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:04,485
This ID got me in here,
376
00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:05,834
and it will get us both out.
377
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,009
You know what we should do?
378
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,141
Raid the pharmacy.
379
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,490
Shut up and act crazy.
380
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:10,882
You want crazy?
381
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:13,102
[gasp]
The shadows!
382
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:16,018
They're eating me!
Sideways!
383
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:18,760
Thorazine!
Give me my thorazine!
384
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,718
How am I supposed to do that?
385
00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:23,286
You figure it out, Doctor.
386
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,985
[sobbing]
387
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,216
Richard, this is a bad idea.
388
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,001
And tomatoes are a fruit.
389
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,611
What's that have to
do with anything?
390
00:16:43,611 --> 00:16:44,786
I thought we were talking
391
00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:46,179
about stuff we didn't
give a fuck about.
392
00:16:46,179 --> 00:16:47,223
Get out here, Ethnic Man.
393
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,578
Now, tell the people
that I kick ass.
394
00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:56,406
That I am "the man."
395
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:58,060
Tell who?
396
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:01,063
- Where are the crowds?
- I don't know.
397
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:03,370
I posted flyers
and everything.
398
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,502
Cops. Oooh.
399
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,461
You're Ethnic Man?
400
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,593
You're damn right.
401
00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:10,594
Ma'am.
402
00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:12,379
Richard, help.
403
00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:13,902
You can't arrest Ethnic Man!
404
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:16,165
He's about to endorse me
as his favorite candidate.
405
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,775
So this rally
was your idea?
406
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:19,081
What the fuck
do you think?
407
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,996
Hey!
408
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,433
Hey buddy.
409
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:25,435
Hey, get your hands off
my nightstick, officer!
410
00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:26,784
Oh boy.
411
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:33,487
You can't seriously
want an endorsement
412
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:35,271
from that costumed lunatic.
413
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:38,231
I'd be crazy not to.
Everyone loves Ethnic Man.
414
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:40,537
Plus, I need to keep
the coloreds happy.
415
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,452
I married a racist imbecile.
416
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:43,845
Would an imbecile come up
417
00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:45,368
with the perfect plan
to meet Ethnic Man?
418
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:46,717
Yes.
419
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:48,284
That's exactly what
an imbecile would do.
420
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,507
This isn't the grocery store.
421
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,291
I must have taken
a wrong turn.
422
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:57,119
I hope no one
tries to mug us!
423
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,647
Are you trying to get us
robbed on purpose,
424
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,606
so you can meet Ethnic Man?
425
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:08,304
I heard this is
where he hangs out.
426
00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:10,176
We call it crack town.
427
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:12,091
You endanger
your wife and child
428
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,614
for a publicity stunt?
429
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:15,137
She's right, dude.
430
00:18:15,137 --> 00:18:16,704
That's low.
431
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:18,358
You don't look
like Ethnic Man.
432
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:19,881
You don't even
remember me, do you?
433
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,491
I was at your fucking rally.
434
00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,276
I robbed you.
435
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,104
Oh what, we all look the same?
436
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,149
Okay, whoa!
You don't want to do this.
437
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:28,933
Oh right, 'cause an Asian
can't carjack a bitch.
438
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,761
I should go do some
calculus or something.
439
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:38,987
Ethnic Man!
Help!
440
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,817
We're going to
take a little ride.
441
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:55,003
Wow.
442
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,657
Dispatch, we have
two in custody,
443
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,137
heading to booking.
444
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,747
What did I do? Ten-four.
445
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:00,878
Let's begin with
reckless disregard
446
00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:02,445
for human safety.
447
00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:03,620
Inciting violence.
448
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,405
Indecent behavior.
449
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,494
We'll worry about the hate
crimes at the precinct.
450
00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:09,670
Hate crimes?
For a rally?
451
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:11,976
City doesn't take
kindly to Aryan rallies.
452
00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:13,326
Go figure.
453
00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:14,588
It's a peace rally.
454
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,677
That's a swastika.
455
00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,635
Oh...
456
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:20,594
But it's a Tibetan
symbol for peace!
457
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,683
Way to make things
all white supremacy.
458
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:24,902
RADIO: Unit 36, there is
a kiddnapping in progress.
459
00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:27,209
Warehouse 3 at Riverside
and John.
460
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:30,256
City prosecutor's wife.
461
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,779
Ali!
462
00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:33,084
The assailant is
drugged and armed.
463
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,223
Thirty-five-years-old
464
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:43,051
and you can't swallow
a fucking pill.
465
00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:49,362
♪ I can see forever.
466
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:52,234
You know, if you were
permanently whacked out,
467
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:55,194
Daddy could get custodial
control of your life.
468
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,543
Would you like that?
469
00:19:56,543 --> 00:19:58,022
Butterflies are Tuesday.
470
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:03,550
Daddy, love you so much!
471
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:11,427
It's a good thing
I found this patient in time.
472
00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:12,646
The security here.
473
00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:14,691
You couldn't spring
for a decent lock?
474
00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:15,823
We need to pump her stomach.
475
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:17,999
Is your first name doctor?
476
00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:20,349
Get me one of those
electro-shock thingies...
477
00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:21,655
A defibrillator?
478
00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:23,570
What did I just fucking say?
479
00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:31,795
Ethnic Man!
Finally.
480
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,057
Get him out of the car.
481
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:39,281
You seem taller in person.
482
00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:40,804
My wife!
She's in danger.
483
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:42,284
You've got to save her,
Ethnic Man.
484
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:43,851
And then endorse me
for city council.
485
00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:45,331
What do you think
you're doing?
486
00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:47,071
I'm drafting
Ethnic Man to save Ali.
487
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:48,943
No, no, no.
This is my Ethnic Man.
488
00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:50,292
If anyone is going to
tell him to save Ali,
489
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:51,641
it's going to be me.
490
00:20:51,641 --> 00:20:54,470
Perhaps we should let
the police to save Ali.
491
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:57,125
Knock yourself out.
That guy's got a gun.
492
00:20:57,125 --> 00:21:00,259
Do you want me to win this
election or not?
493
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,436
Very well, I -
Ethnic Man -
494
00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:05,307
will save Ali Devon.
495
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:07,178
Because I told him to.
496
00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:08,789
Ethnic...
497
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:09,877
Fucking go!
498
00:21:09,877 --> 00:21:11,139
Excuse me.
499
00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:20,235
Are you sure this
is the best way
500
00:21:20,235 --> 00:21:21,976
to deal with an overdose?
501
00:21:21,976 --> 00:21:24,413
Oh, I'm sure.
Clear!
502
00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:26,197
[gibberish]
503
00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:27,938
This asshole isn't a doctor!
504
00:21:27,938 --> 00:21:29,853
She's hallucinating! He's my father and
he's trying to--
505
00:21:29,853 --> 00:21:31,986
Ahhh!
506
00:21:31,986 --> 00:21:33,988
He's trying to turn me
into a vegetable!
507
00:21:33,988 --> 00:21:35,642
Can we get a little more
juice in this thing?
508
00:21:35,642 --> 00:21:37,731
Ahh!
Asshole! Asshole!
509
00:21:37,731 --> 00:21:39,776
Ahhh!
510
00:21:41,343 --> 00:21:43,476
Ahhh!
511
00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:44,912
What's going on?
512
00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:49,438
Mr. Fitzpatrick.
513
00:21:51,484 --> 00:21:53,834
Hey.
Is your kid white?
514
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:55,009
What?
515
00:21:55,009 --> 00:21:56,402
I heard you can get
like thirty grand
516
00:21:56,402 --> 00:21:58,447
for a kid if he's
not a minority.
517
00:21:58,447 --> 00:22:00,754
Halt, evil doer.
518
00:22:00,754 --> 00:22:03,365
I am Ethnic Man.
519
00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:05,062
I clean up crime.
520
00:22:05,062 --> 00:22:07,151
Like an ethnic cleanser.
521
00:22:07,151 --> 00:22:11,852
No, wait.
Not like that.
522
00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:15,377
Oh my God,
Fitz put you up to this?
523
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:16,813
Is it so hard to believe
524
00:22:16,813 --> 00:22:18,380
that I'm a degenerate
drug addict?
525
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:20,164
You don't know what
I'll to do to get high.
526
00:22:20,164 --> 00:22:21,601
Oh, God.
527
00:22:21,601 --> 00:22:23,907
The things I've
done to get high.
528
00:22:23,907 --> 00:22:26,170
Don't think of
Richard as a sleaze
529
00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:27,607
who makes your life miserable.
530
00:22:27,607 --> 00:22:29,260
Think of the
good times.
531
00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:32,481
Like moment of happiness
seven months ago.
532
00:22:32,481 --> 00:22:35,310
Seven months ago,
when you...
533
00:22:35,310 --> 00:22:37,530
and Richard...
534
00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:40,315
OH. MY. GOODNESS.
535
00:22:43,579 --> 00:22:45,102
Larry - whatever
you're thinking,
536
00:22:45,102 --> 00:22:47,322
don't say one more word.
537
00:22:47,322 --> 00:22:48,889
You know why I
became a drug addict?
538
00:22:48,889 --> 00:22:51,108
To show my friends Asian
kids could be cool.
539
00:22:51,108 --> 00:22:52,849
Yeah, it's really cool
to suck dick for crack.
540
00:22:52,849 --> 00:22:54,416
Do you mind?
541
00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:55,461
We're in the middle
of something here.
542
00:22:55,461 --> 00:22:57,332
Hey, fuck you, asshole!
543
00:22:57,332 --> 00:22:59,465
My shit's just as
important as yours.
544
00:22:59,465 --> 00:23:01,336
Hey, Jamal.
I got the stuff -
545
00:23:01,336 --> 00:23:03,686
Whoa!
You're not Jamal.
546
00:23:03,686 --> 00:23:07,081
Holy fuck.
Another one.
547
00:23:07,081 --> 00:23:08,648
Oh, thank god.
548
00:23:08,648 --> 00:23:12,608
You're here to save us.
549
00:23:12,608 --> 00:23:15,829
Yes. Yes!
I'm here to save you.
550
00:23:15,829 --> 00:23:17,961
And not to sell drugs.
551
00:23:17,961 --> 00:23:19,833
You don't even have a weapon.
552
00:23:21,922 --> 00:23:24,490
Before you pull that trigger,
553
00:23:24,490 --> 00:23:27,014
you gotta ask
yourself one question.
554
00:23:27,014 --> 00:23:29,146
Oh yeah?
555
00:23:29,146 --> 00:23:30,539
What's that?
556
00:23:32,541 --> 00:23:33,847
Wanna get high?
557
00:23:35,718 --> 00:23:37,154
It's been four hours
558
00:23:37,154 --> 00:23:39,069
since this hostage
drama started,
559
00:23:39,069 --> 00:23:42,116
with no word from the
kidnapper or kidnappers,
560
00:23:42,116 --> 00:23:44,466
except a demand for fish tacos
561
00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:46,990
and Battleship,
original edition.
562
00:23:50,211 --> 00:23:52,474
Hello there.
563
00:23:52,474 --> 00:23:54,520
You're black.
What do you think?
564
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,173
Do you think
Ali Devon still alive?
565
00:23:56,173 --> 00:23:58,915
Or do you think she has she
been brutalized sexually
566
00:23:58,915 --> 00:24:01,875
in a way this reporter
can only imagine?
567
00:24:01,875 --> 00:24:03,790
What is with you white chicks?
568
00:24:03,790 --> 00:24:05,748
Don't shoot!
We're coming out.
569
00:24:05,748 --> 00:24:07,271
We're okay!
570
00:24:07,271 --> 00:24:08,882
Fuck.
571
00:24:08,882 --> 00:24:11,014
Let's see your hands!
Come on, let's see them!
572
00:24:12,712 --> 00:24:14,061
Keep 'em up,
keep 'em up!
573
00:24:14,061 --> 00:24:21,547
[chanting]
Ethnic Man!
574
00:24:21,547 --> 00:24:22,765
Ali!
575
00:24:22,765 --> 00:24:24,027
All right,
cuff him, boys!
576
00:24:24,027 --> 00:24:26,595
Stay strong, brother.
577
00:24:26,595 --> 00:24:29,076
Hey, ya!
Ha ha, yeah!
578
00:24:30,991 --> 00:24:34,995
Thank you!
But it's not Ethnic Man.
579
00:24:34,995 --> 00:24:36,300
It's Every Man.
580
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:37,911
And Ethnic Man
581
00:24:37,911 --> 00:24:39,869
is voting for
Richard Fitzpatrick!
582
00:24:39,869 --> 00:24:41,001
Every Man.
583
00:24:41,001 --> 00:24:42,829
No, he's voting
for Chester Vince!
584
00:24:42,829 --> 00:24:44,657
No!
585
00:24:44,657 --> 00:24:48,530
Every Man is not about voting!
586
00:24:48,530 --> 00:24:50,401
Cock banging fuck sockets.
587
00:24:50,401 --> 00:24:52,186
And he's not
about politics.
588
00:24:52,186 --> 00:24:54,754
Yeah,
he's about compassion.
589
00:24:54,754 --> 00:24:56,886
No.
He's about equality.
590
00:24:56,886 --> 00:24:59,280
You fucking idiots
are wrong.
591
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,456
Ethnic Man is all
about getting votes
592
00:25:01,456 --> 00:25:03,110
for Richard Fitzpatrick
593
00:25:03,110 --> 00:25:05,939
so he can open his bar.
594
00:25:05,939 --> 00:25:08,811
Uh, and respect for all.
595
00:25:08,811 --> 00:25:10,291
You want me to
respect a criminal?
596
00:25:10,291 --> 00:25:12,423
You're just pissed I'm a
better thief than you are.
597
00:25:12,423 --> 00:25:14,991
I'm a Legal Aid lawyer,
General Tao.
598
00:25:14,991 --> 00:25:16,602
You rice rocket, fortune
cookie, mother fucker.
599
00:25:16,602 --> 00:25:17,951
Oh, for fuck's sake -
600
00:25:17,951 --> 00:25:19,561
can we talk about
what's important here?
601
00:25:19,561 --> 00:25:21,824
Me, winning this election.
602
00:25:21,824 --> 00:25:23,217
And for the record-
603
00:25:23,217 --> 00:25:24,653
Well, I love all races.
604
00:25:24,653 --> 00:25:26,960
And I don't have to
classify the women I nail.
605
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,570
I don't get the yellow fever.
606
00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:30,572
I'm not after the brown sugar.
607
00:25:30,572 --> 00:25:31,878
There's only one color
608
00:25:31,878 --> 00:25:33,575
that matters to
Richard Fitzpatrick:
609
00:25:33,575 --> 00:25:36,056
that's the sweet, soft pink.
610
00:25:38,232 --> 00:25:40,364
Mmmm.
611
00:25:40,364 --> 00:25:42,628
Am I right or am I right?
612
00:25:42,628 --> 00:25:44,064
I'm not sure...
613
00:25:44,064 --> 00:25:48,459
I think what Richard
is trying to say is...
614
00:25:48,459 --> 00:25:51,158
Can't we all just get along?
615
00:25:51,158 --> 00:25:52,202
Guys?
616
00:25:52,202 --> 00:25:53,726
Group hug, maybe?
617
00:25:55,031 --> 00:25:56,206
Good one, man!
618
00:25:56,206 --> 00:25:58,078
That answer your question,
cracker ass?
619
00:25:58,078 --> 00:25:59,383
Look out!
620
00:25:59,383 --> 00:26:01,124
Hey, fuck you!
621
00:26:01,124 --> 00:26:03,736
[indistinct shouts]
622
00:26:03,736 --> 00:26:09,480
[♪]
623
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:14,573
♪ Welcome to my world
624
00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:19,969
♪ Won't you come on in
625
00:26:19,969 --> 00:26:25,105
♪ Miracles, I guess
626
00:26:25,105 --> 00:26:30,545
♪ Still happen now and then
627
00:26:30,545 --> 00:26:33,330
♪ Step into my heart
628
00:26:35,681 --> 00:26:38,771
God damn torturer fuckers.
629
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:41,643
Now we can go
to group together.
630
00:26:41,643 --> 00:26:42,992
That'll be fun.
631
00:26:42,992 --> 00:26:44,646
There's pudding on Tuesdays.
632
00:26:44,646 --> 00:26:46,517
There's a pool here.
It's pretty okay.
633
00:26:46,517 --> 00:26:48,650
Except that bitch nurse
makes me wear floaties.
634
00:26:48,650 --> 00:26:51,740
Like, what?
[chuckles]